


A Dark Blue Volleyball Keychain

by hellminna



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cute, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellminna/pseuds/hellminna
Summary: Every day after practice, Kageyama and Hinata walked home together. Kageyama was feeling very happy and everything was going great, until one day, his whole world collapsed.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. Partners

“Kageyama! You were so awesome!“ Hinata yelled, enthusiastically jumping up and down. They were walking home from practice. 

“The way you threw the ball at me, and then it stopped right in front of me... So cool! You're awesome!“ 

Kageyama felt a bit embarrassed by this. He didn't know what to say, so he just shrugged and scoffed. He looked at Hinata staring at him with an excited smile. He had to confess to himself that he did somewhat care about the orange-haired dumbass. At this thought, he shook his head and frowned.

“Hey, Kageyama,“ Hinata said looking at his phone, “My mom isn't gonna be home for a few hours, can you stay out to keep me company?“

Kageyama kept walking in silence for a couple of seconds. 

“We have homework.“

Hinata grunted and jumped in front of Kageyama with a sulking face. He bowed down and shut his eyes. 

“Pleaseee!“ 

Kageyama stopped. He looked down to see Hinata’s orange hair and a pair of small hands red from the coldness. He rolled his eyes.

“Alright. Whatever.“ 

Hinata's face lit up as he lifted his head.

“Yay!“

So they kept walking, Hinata talking constantly and Kageyama occasionally replying. They went to a quiet park overlooking the sea and sat on a bench at the edge of the park.

The sea was calm and the winter sun seemed cold, bright light was falling on blue water mixing with the white foam, creating a beautiful view. The two boys both quietly enjoyed it for a couple of seconds. A cold wind blew and Hinata shuddered a bit. Kageyama looked at him. “So small“ he thought. He felt kind of bad for him.

“Why are you here?“

“What do you mean?“ Hinata replied warming up his hands. 

“You're so small and you get cold easily. And then instead of going home, you decide to stay out with me. And in January, nonetheless.“ 

Hinata frowned and jumped up on the bench. Kageyama looked up to see the annoyed boy looking down on him. He was still shuddering a bit, but he was bursting with energy.

“I'm not that small, you idiot!“ he yelled, hitting Kageyama on the top of his head. Then he sighed and jumped down. Kageyama glanced at him, stopped for a moment and then took off his black scarf.

“Here, dumbass“ he said as he was wrapping the scarf around Hinata's rosy cheeks. 

Hinata sat still and watched Kageyama. He was smiling, and although Kageyama couldn't see his mouth, he saw Hinata's smile in his eyes.

“See why?“

“Hm?“

“Even though you're stupid, you're sometimes nice like this.“

Once again, Kageyama didn't know how to react, so he just scoffed and pulled away, still glancing at Hinata. He looked even smaller in Kageyama's big scarf. Hinata put his fingers on the part of the scarf where his chin would be and looked up, thinking. 

“It's weird that Kageyama-kun doesn't have a girlfriend. I know you seem unapproachable, even scary, but you're really cool. Especially when you play volleyball.“

He looked at Kageyama and smiled proudly. 

“If I were a girl, I'd want to date Kageyama-kun!“ 

Kageyama looked at him dumbfounded. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? He stood up and frowned.  
“Don't say such stupid things, dumbass Hinata!“ he yelled, hitting Hinata on the top of his head. Hinata just laughed. They continued talking about something else and they soon went home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the most boring chapter in this piece, so please give it a chance! Something interesting will happen, I promise.  
> Also, I just realized that Haikyuu takes place in a town offshore, so there isn't a park overlooking the sea... But let's pretend there is one for the sake of the story :)


	2. His Dream

A week later at practice, Hinata messed up several times. He was frustrated and wanted to keep practicing until he can receive Kageyama's toss. He needed help, so he asked Kageyama to toss at him and Suga to throw the ball to Kageyama. 

Hinata missed the first toss, as well as the second, the third... He kept on missing the tosses until eventually Kageyama got too frustrated. 

“Don't you think it's possible you can't do it?!“ he yelled angrily. Hinata looked enraged. He was looking at the ground and clenching his fists.

“Shut up! I know I can do it! I have to! So just shut up and toss me the ball!“

Kageyama groaned and threw the ball on the ground. “Well, I've had enough.“ Hinata angrily ran toward the ball, but Suga stopped him. “Wait. Calm down“, he said, “And Kageyama, give him another chance.“

Kageyama was already halfway to the exit, but he stopped and looked at Hinata and Suga. He was surprised at what he saw. There was a glowing, angry passion in Hinata's eyes. Kageyama sighed. “Alright“, he said, “But you better try your best!“ Hinata smiled and nodded. “You bet!“

They got back into positions. Suga threw the ball at Kageyama, and he tossed it to Hinata. He had already jumped and was focusing on the ball. “I'm gonna win!“ he yelled and swung his arm. There was a loud sound and the ball hit the floor. Kageyama stood still for a second, looking at the ball with a blank expression. Hinata had a blank expression, too. 

“Hinata!“ Suga yelled, “You did it!“ 

Hinata looked at Kageyama and Suga. “I did?“ he said, with a confused smile breaking out on his face. Suga ran to Hinata and high-fived him. They put their hands up and yelled in excitement, high-fiving each other. Kageyama walked over with a surprised face. He stopped, grabbed Hinata's shoulder, turned him around and nodded approvingly. 

“Do it again.“ 

Hinata determinately smiled and nodded. He ran over to his position. 

“Bring it!“ 

They kept practicing and Hinata received every single toss from Kageyama. After a while, they decided it was getting late and they should go home. Kageyama and Hinata thanked Suga and went on walking home together. 

The sun was setting and they went to the same bench in the quiet park. Hinata was smiling the whole time. 

“Oh, I forgot to give you something!“ he yelled and fumbled through his pockets. Then he took out an orange volleyball keychain. 

“Here!“ he exclaimed holding up the keychain, “My mom gave it to me, but I already have one, so I thought I'd give it to you!“

He then took out his keys, revealing the same keychain, but dark blue. Kageyama just stood there, looking at the keychain and Hinata's smile.

“Take it, you idiot!“ 

Kageyama took the keychain. He stared at the orange volleyball keychain sitting in his palm. He closed it and they both sat down on the bench.

“Do you want to know what made me hit the ball today?“ Hinata asked, “You saw how passionate I was, right?“ Kageyama nodded. 

“I had a dream last night. You were in it. We were older. I was a lot taller, too. We were playing on the same team. It was the Japan National Team. And we were practicing for the Olympics.“

Hinata stood up, smiling and clenching his fist, looking at the sunset in front of him. “I was so happy! I've decided, this is my goal in life. I want that dream to come true.“

He turned to Kageyama, extending his hand toward him. 

“So, are you with me?“

Kageyama looked at Hinata's small, red hand reaching out to him. He noticed how the wind ran through his orange hair. Kageyama then decisively smiled, took Hinata's hand and stood up.   
As the sun was setting and the wind was blowing, the two of them shook hands. 

“We're gonna join the Japan National Team and play at the Olympics!“ Kageyama exclaimed with a passionate look in his eyes. Hinata smiled at Kageyama's determination and nodded.

“I'll be by your side forever.“


	3. The Hit

The next day at practice, Hinata had troubles, once again. When Kageyama tossed it to him, he couldn't receive it. This happened a few times in a row and Hinata had outbursts of anger, like jumping, yelling and hitting the air. Suga kept telling him that it was okay, but Hinata was still very frustrated. When practice was over, Kageyama and Hinata walked home and talked, as usual. 

“I don't know what's wrong with me today“, Hinata said, looking down. Kageyama looked at him. He looked even smaller when he put his head down. Kageyama couldn't find the words to comfort him, so he just kept walking.  
“I thought I knew how to do it! I thought I mastered it! Why couldn't I hit it today?“ Hinata exclaimed in frustration. 

“That's precisely the problem“, Kageyama replied. 

Hinata looks at him confused. “What do you mean?“ he muttered. They stopped at a red light and Kageyama frowned a bit, looking at Hinata. 

“You had a clear, fresh goal yesterday, didn't you?“ 

Hinata nods. 

“And you just said you thought you mastered it. So now, you just think it's a skill you have and are good at. But it doesn't come to you naturally. And if you think it does, without clearly wanting to do it, you can't do it.“

Hinata looked at Kageyama with his mouth open a little. Then he looked down. 

“So...“ he mumbled, “You're disappointed in me?“ 

Kageyama looked ahead. He paused for a few seconds and fumbled with the keychain in his pocket. He hesitated a bit.

“If you keep this up, we will fail. Get serious.“ 

Hinata looked up. He frowned and his eyes watered. He swallowed hard. Kageyama just kept looking ahead. Hinata grunted. 

“You're wrong!“ he yelled angrily. He then turned around and ran away. There was a loud honking noise.

It was as if time had stopped. Kageyama watched Hinata run into the road, but he couldn't move or speak. Hinata was moving away and the was car getting closer. After a moment, he finally somewhat regained control over his body. 

“HINATA!!!“ 

As he was taking his hands out of his pockets, he moved his right leg forward and gave it all he had to run as fast as he could. Then there was a honk, a screech, and a thud. 

It felt like someone punched Kageyama in the chest. His ears were buzzing and his vision became blurry. He could only see shapes and hear muffled noises. He switched course and ran toward a smaller shape with orange on top. He just ran. He didn't know why he was running. His mind was completely blank. It hasn't hit him yet. 

He stopped in front of the shape and looked down. His eyes focused as he realized what he was looking at. His jaw dropped. His throat narrowed down. His eyes opened wide. He stopped breathing. The world around him completely shut down. He could only see Hinata's hurt face. He can only hear his shallow breathing. He can only smell his light scent. Nothing existed but Hinata and him. 

“Kage...“ Hinata softly said. His voice was weak and barely audible. Kageyama dropped down and kneeled. He put Hinata's head on his lap.

Hinata's eyes focused on him. Kageyama looked at them, those pretty orange eyes of his, giving him a look he had never seen before. Hinata's mouth crumpled and his eyes watered.

“Kageyama, it hurts“ he cried softly, still looking at Kageyama. “I can't move...“, his voice broke, “Ow, ow, ow... Ah, it hurts“ 

Tears started flowing down the sides of his head. Kageyama lightly brushed Hinata's forehead. His face was bruised and red. His lips were bloody. He was crying. He was in pain. Kageyama can't bring himself to look anywhere else but Hinata's face.  
“Kageyama.“ Hinata said in a weary voice. “I don't want to die.“

This made Kageyama break down. A flow of tears slid down his face and he loudly sobbed.

“Hinata!“ he cried. “No, no, no, no, no, no...“ he shook his head. “You- you can't die! No! You're not gonna die!“ 

Hinata was constantly muttering and it was hard for Kageyama to make out clear words. Most of it was probably caused by pain. It also seemed to him that Hinata kept saying Kageyama's name.  
Hinata's look wandered away from Kageyama. It was as if he was looking through him. 

“Cold... cold... It... It hurts... No... I don't wanna die...“ 

Kageyama held Hinata's head and got closer to his small face. His lower lip was trembling and his eyes were scared.

“You're not gonna die! You can't!“ he cried out. “We have to go to the Olympics together, remember?“ 

Hinata shook his head lightly, still muttering in pain. “I'm scared... It's cold...“ 

Kageyama bit his lips and slammed the ground next to Hinata's head. 

“Stop it, you dumbass! You're fine! You're gonna be fine!“ 

He gasped for air. Hinata's eyes became completely unfocused. He was looking, but he wasn't seeing. His hand clenched around Kageyama's arm. 

“Kageyama...“ he softly mouthed. 

His eyes moved in Kageyama's direction. 

“Forever...“

Hinata exhaled. His grip loosened. His pupils dilated. Hinata was gone.


	4. Gone

Kageyama stared at Hinata. He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't. 

He didn't notice himself screaming, he didn't notice people dragging him away, he didn't even notice the medics trying to revive Hinata. He only saw Hinata's body lying lifelessly on the ground. His eyes were still open. It was terrifying. 

They covered him with a sheet. Kageyama couldn't even see him anymore. His mind was almost completely blank, but a few sentences kept ringing in his head.

“That is Hinata. The dead body in the middle of the street belongs to Hinata. Hinata doesn't exist anymore.“

He sat on the curb, looking in Hinata's direction. Someone was sitting beside him, someone patted him on the back, someone tried to talk to him, but he paid no attention to that. He was just staring blankly with a constant flow of tears sliding down his face, a horrible lump in his throat, and a neverending numbness within his body. He knew what had happened, and his body reacted to it, but he didn't actually understand. Hinata became such a constant in his life that he couldn't comprehend the fact that Hinata's not here anymore.

After they covered the body, Kageyama watched them lift him on a carrier, put him in a van, and drive away. 

When he lost sight of the van, he slowly started to acknowledge his surroundings. The police had questioned him about the accident itself and about Hinata. It was hard for Kageyama to answer the questions they had about him. He kept talking in the present tense and regretfully correcting himself. It was the hardest when they asked him about his family. His hands were shaking when he had to give them the Hinata's mom's number.

When they got all the information he could give them, they offered him a ride home, but he refused. He sighed and took a step when he heard a jingle. He looked down only to a few shiny keys and a dark blue volleyball keychain. He clenched his teeth and exhaled. Then he picked it up and carried it home, gripping it tightly the whole time. He was too exhausted to have even one thought about it.

When he got home, after taking his shoes and jacket off, he went straight to his room, closed the door and sat on the bed. He wanted to turn off his brain for the rest of the day. 

He just fidgeted with the dark blue keychain, trying not to think. His phone kept ringing, so he turned it off. 

He eventually lied down and tried to fall asleep. But one thought kept repeating itself in his mind.

“I killed him.“


	5. The Aftermath

The following morning, when Kageyama woke up, he was confused. He knew that he was supposed to be sad, but for a few seconds, he couldn't remember why. He then caught glimpse of the dark blue volleyball keychain beside his bed. And he remembered.  
He felt like screaming, but instead, he just bit down his lip and clenched his fists. He wished to just sleep forever and forget about everything.

He didn't have the energy to do anything. He didn't want to got school. He didn't even want to eat. In the bathroom, he briefly saw his reflection in the mirror. His blue eyes weren't that blue anymore, they were red. Underneath his eyes were black circles. His lips were bloody from all the biting.

“What happened to me?“ he whispered as he stared at his face in the mirror.

He frowned. Then he decided that he isn't going to let himself go. If he lets his life get ruined, then death really wins, doesn't it?

He put on his school uniform and stepped out of his room to go eat breakfast. When he opened his door, he found a plate of food sitting in front of his room. His sister probably heard what had happened and made breakfast for him. This made him smile for the first time after a while.

He ate the food in silence. He then took his schoolbag, put his shoes and jacket on. He looked at the black scarf in the closet. He hesitated but decided it was better for him not to be cold. He wrapped the scarf around his neck. He felt a bit better after doing this.

He stepped out of his house. Cold wind was blowing, there was a faint light coming from the winter sun. People were walking, running, riding bikes, driving, talking... Kageyama was a bit taken aback by this. He wasn't sure what he expected, but it was unusual for him to see that everything was normal. People were going on about their lives as if nothing had happened. Kageyama knew that in fact nothing had happened to them, but he was still a little shocked.

He then went on with the usual route he takes to school. To go to school, he had to cross a certain road. As he stopped on a red light, his heart started beating faster and his breaths became short. He stared at a spot in the middle of the road. As the cars were driving by, he could almost see a white sheet covering something on that spot. He knew that it was just something his mind projected on him, but he still couldn't take his eyes off it. As the last car drove by, the sheet disappeared and the green light turned on. He crossed the road and he was soon standing in front of the school.

As he stood still and looked at the school, a thousand memories ran through his mind. His hands and legs began shaking, his heartbeat became even faster and his breathing got even worse.

Usually, when he got to school, Hinata would run toward him and greet him, then they would walk to the lockers together and talk about trivial things. Kageyama half-expected Hinata to show up out of nowhere and tell him it was all just a bad dream. 

He stared blankly at the school, clenching the dark blue volleyball keychain in his pocket, still shaking. He then felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Suga, holding his hand at Kageyama's shoulder, clenching his teeth and looking ahead.  
Kageyama found this to be strangely comforting. The two of them stood in front of the school in silence for a while.

“You should go home.“ Suga suddenly broke the silence.

Kageyama first wanted to shake his head and step forward, but he couldn't even move his mouth, let alone his legs. He exhaled and looked down, giving up his pride. 

He once again looked at Suga, and then at the school. He saw students gathered in front of the entrance. He looked closely and he saw a paper with a picture of Hinata and a text on the door of the school. As students were coming and reading what the paper said, they were covering their faces with their hands, some even crying. This made Kageyama sad.

“When did you find out?“ he asked Suga.

“Well...“ Suga started, taking his hand off of Kageyama's shoulder and looking at the ground.

“I actually saw you yesterday. I was going home from practice and I heard some commotion going on on the road near the school. I went to see what was going on and I first saw the police and the ambulance near something covered with a sheet. Of course, I was horrified, but then I saw you sitting on the curb and crying. It didn't add up, I knew that the whole situation was horrible, but why would you be crying? And you and Hinata left practice together, so where was he? And then it dawned on me. I looked at the small body covered with a sheet and then back at you. I ran away, I didn't want to believe it, but then we got a message from the coach.“

Kageyama nodded and looked down. With the corner of his eye, he saw Suga wipe his eyes. 

“So are you gonna go home or are you gonna pretend that you're fine the whole day?“

Kageyama looked away. He had a sad look in his eyes and was biting the inside of his lip. He then sighed and put his head down. 

“I think I'll have to go home...“

Suga nodded approvingly and lightly patted him on the back.

“You know, they say it's supposed to get better.“ Suga said, trying to comfort Kageyama.

Kageyama frowned. 

“Just because I'll feel better won't make him come back.“

They both stood still in silence, thinking about Kageyama's words.

“I'm sorry.“ Suga said silently. There was shame in his voice.

“No, I'm sorry. You're trying to make me feel better and I'm rude in return.“

Suga's mouth smiled, but his eyes remained sad. 

“You better go off, then.“

Kageyama nodded, and left. He decided to take a different route this time.


	6. The Game

The following day, Kageyama decided to go to school. This time, it was a bit easier. When he got to school, the memories rushed in, but he was able to contain himself. The dark blue volleyball keychain in his pocket helped.

Kageyama noticed that the mood had shifted in school. It was as if something had drained a bit of energy out of them. This surprised Kageyama more than it should have. For the first time, he saw how greatly Hinata influenced others. He used to take his bubbly personality lightly, he even found it annoying, but he now felt like something was missing. Like the sun lost some of its light.

After school, Kageyama went to practice. He opened the door of the gymnasium only to see the team members sitting around in their school clothes. Once he got in, everyone's looks moved in his direction.

The gymnasium opened up the best of memories he had with Hinata. A lump began to form in his throat, but he inhaled and exhaled, calming himself down. He then looked at his fellow team members.

“Are we gonna play or what?“

Everyone was looking at Kageyama. A few tears escaped Yamaguchi's eyes when he saw Kageyama. Nishinoya and Tanaka clenched their fists. Asahi gloomed. All of them sat still for a moment, then Daichi stood up.

“Are you sure?“

Kageyama frowned and nodded. 

“We're a volleyball team, are we not? Hinata died two days ago. Yesterday was for mourning, today it's time to get back on track!“

Daichi looked at Kageyama and then at the team. He nodded and everyone stood up and went to change. 

Once everyone warmed up and got into positions, the game started. After some standard back and forth between the two groups, Asahi passed the ball to Kageyama. He tossed it over his head and behind his back and then the ball hit the ground.

Everyone stood still for a second, the only audible sound was the ball hopping. Then Tanaka put his hand over his mouth. Nishinoya whimpered and ran out, wiping his eyes. Yamaguchi broke down in tears.

Kageyama was very confused. Why did the ball hit the floor? He turned around only to realize that no one was there to receive his toss.

“Oh... Right.“

Everyone was standing still, not knowing how to react. Kageyama clenched his fists and teeth and stared at the floor. He didn't have the dark blue volleyball keychain to calm him down.

“Hey, wait, it's fine!“ Asahi ran toward him.

“How is it fine?!“ Kageyama yelled. “Maybe I can't do this after all.“

He walked over to the exit, stopped and turned his head a little.

“I'm sorry. Good luck.“

Kageyama left the gymnasium. The team watched him leave and once again, weren't sure how to react. Daichi groaned and ran toward the exit.

“Hey, Kageyama! Wait!“

Kageyama stopped and turned around. His arm was red from scratching it. 

“Don't tell me you're quitting?“ Daichi said, grabbing Kageyama's arm to stop the scratching.

Kageyama's heartbeat got faster and he rubbed his eye looking at the ground. Daichi looked at him with concern in his eyes.

“Forget volleyball. How are you doing?“ 

“Not great!“ Kageyama exclaimed in a single breath. It almost sounded like he said it in a mocking voice. A few tears escaped from his blue eyes.

“No one knows this, but it's my fault. I was the one who killed him.“ His voice was shaky and weak. “I... killed Hinata.“

Kageyama broke down. Daichi was looking at him with a despondent look. He opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't find any words to say.

“I said something stupid to him... and he got angry. And ran into the road. He died in my arms telling me he was scared and that he didn't want to die. The day before, he told me he'd be by my side forever. But he won't. And he will never join the Japan National Team. He won't even get past high school volleyball. He will never play another game. He will never tease me again. He will never walk home with me. He will never smile again. All because of me.“

Daichi put both of his hands on Kageyama's shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes.

“It's not your fault, Kageyama.“ There was comfort in his voice.

Kageyama lifted his head to look at Daichi. He had a concerned, but determined look on him. It felt nice to finally tell someone. It was even nicer when he told him it's not his fault, even though Kageyama didn't agree with that.   
He exhaled and looked up at the sky.

“Hinata is dead and everything is worse now.“


	7. The Day Snow Fell

Kageyama and Yamaguchi were walking from the station together. They met by accident and decided to walk together. They were going to Hinata's funeral.

“About yesterday“, Yamaguchi started, “You're really quitting volleyball?“

Kageyama looked at the ground and remained silent for a couple of seconds. 

“I thought I could do it. But I can't. There's too much Hinata in it.“ He tried to sound as strong as possible, but in reality, these words hurt him.

Yamaguchi stayed silent for a while. Then he finally opened his mouth and spoke.

“Do you think that's what Hinata would have wanted?“

Kageyama looked at Yamaguchi. He frowned and sighed.

“It doesn't really matter now what he wanted, does it?“

It hurt him so much to say those words, but they were the truth. Yamaguchi stared at him for a second and then looked away with a sad expression. 

They arrived at the funeral home. When they got in, Kageyama was a bit taken aback. There were a lot more people than he imagined. Except for Hinata's family, the place looked like a high school volleyball event. There were players from Karasuno, Nekoma, Inarizaki, Aoba Joshai, Shiratorizawa and Fukurodani, all here to pay their respects to the little fallen crow. 

Yamaguchi joined the rest of the Karasuno scholars, who were the most numerous. Kageyama looked at the coffin. It was white with sunflowers painted on the sides. It was completely closed. This made Kageyama a bit sad, he was hoping to see Hinata one last time. But he knew that Hinata didn't look like himself because of the accident. 

Hinata's mom rushed over to greet Kageyama the moment she saw him. She was supposed to be by the side of the coffin with the rest of his family, but she came to Kageyama anyways.  
“You're one of the few faces I recognize!“ she said and sobbed a little louder.

“My condolences“ Kageyama said as he bowed down. 

“So many people here! I didn't know Shoyo was so popular!“ Although she was crying, her voice was strong and she had a smile on her face.

“He was a really good volleyball player and he earned a lot of respect from teams all over Japan. A lot of people cared about him. I hope he knew that.“

Hinata's mom smiled. 

“You know, you meant a lot to him. Thank you.“

Hearing this from his mom was a different kind of comfort for Kageyama. It showed him that he really was a big part of Hinata's life. This made him feel better, but sadder at the same time.

Kageyama took a look at Hinata's mom. Although she didn't resemble Hinata that much, it was obvious she was his mother. She was of a smaller built and had a happy personality and, even in this horrible situation, she found the strength to smile.  
“You want to go... say goodbye?“ As she said those last two words, her voice broke.

Kageyama looked at her with a thankful look and nodded. She nodded back, smiled, fixed her black hair and left.  
Kageyama approached the coffin. His heart was beating faster and faster. He didn't know what to say. He felt the pressure of a last goodbye, but he couldn't think of anything good. 

Suddenly, a memory of Hinata came to his mind. The time he said his first hello. They were playing against each other in middle school. Kageyama commented on his height, but Hinata didn't get demotivated. If anything, he probably got even more motivated. “I may be short“, he yelled, “but I can fly!“

Kageyama smiled and put his hand on the coffin.

“Fly high, Hinata.“

He then turned around, walked away and sat down near the rest of the Karasuno scholars. Everyone from the team was there. 

Soon after, the ceremony had started. Many people cried at some point. Kageyama even saw Tsukishima discreetly wipe his eyes.

After the ceremony, Kageyama went over to talk to Hinata's sister.

“Hi, you must be Natsu? I'm Tobio, Hinata's... Shoyo's friend.“ he said, getting down on his knee.

“You're the guy he was with when he died, right?“ 

Kageyama's mouth formed a grim line and he nodded.

“I have something that used to belong to Shoyo.“ 

He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a few keys on a dark blue volleyball keychain.

When he took them out, he accidentally pulled out his own keys, too, the ones with an orange volleyball keychain, the one which Hinata gave him. He picked them up and put them back in his pocket.

Natsu looked at the keychain with a pouty face. 

“You can keep it, if you want. Just don't break into our house, promise?“

Kageyama looked at the little girl surprised. “But...“ he started, but in fact didn't know what to say.

“It's dark blue. It kinda looks like you. Your eyes are blue and your hair is dark!“

Kageyama looked at the keychain. He had never realized this. It made him a bit happy.

“But I saw an orange one fall out of your pocket! It looks like Nii-chan! Can I have that one?“

Kageyama opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself. He wanted to tell her that that keychain was a gift from Hinata, but that only seemed selfish. How could he not give a little girl a keychain which reminded her of her older brother? He smiled and took it out.

“Here. Have it.“ he said, taking the keys off of it and looking at it one last time.

Natsu's eyes sparkled as she took it in her hands.

“Thank you, Tobio!“

Then someone called her and she ran away. Kageyama stood up and watched her escape his vision in the sea of people. He really hoped that Hinata's death isn't going to define her life.

He then took his things and left. When he stepped out, he was a bit surprised. It was snowing. The white snowflakes were slowly falling and shimmer winter sunlight was covering the street. His black scarf swung in the wind.

“Funny how the first snow this season fell today of all days.“ 

Kageyama turned around and saw Kenma leaning against the wall and watching the snow.

“Hinata used to hate winter because he got very cold, but he loved the snow.“ 

Kenma looked at Kageyama. “He really gets under your skin, doesn't he?“

“He really does.“ Kageyama replied with a distant look in his eyes.

“Did he get to show you his back attack?“

Kageyama looked at Kenma confused. Kenma looked down.

“So he didn't.“ he said in his quiet voice. 

“What do you mean?“

“Once or twice a week for the past few months, Shoyo and I practiced together. He asked me to teach him the back attack so he could impress you and become even better.“

Kageyama just silently stood there, unable to say a thing, touched by Kenma's words.

“The unfortunate thing is that it was almost perfect, but Shoyo wanted it to be completely perfect. He told me he was going to show you this week. I guess he didn't make it.“


	8. Sunshine

Kageyama was ready to go home, but Tanaka stopped him.

“Hey, we're all going to a restaurant nearby, come with us.“

Kageyama frowned. He wanted to go home. He sure had something to think about.

“No. I'm going home. I prefer being alone anyways.“

That was a lie. He preferred to be with Hinata.

“That's bullshit, King of the Court. Just go with us. Please.“

Kageyama lifted his head. Tanaka was looking at him with a strange combination of begging and comfort in his eyes.

Kageyama looked down.

“Alright. I'll go with you.“

Tanaka smiled, putting his hand on Kageyama's back and directing him toward the rest of the team members. 

As they walked to the restaurant, they talked and laughed, like every normal group of teenage boys would, but their laughter and joy were quick to die down once they remembered why they were there. Kageyama mostly remained silent, just following them and thinking his own thoughts. 

As they got to the restaurant, they've gotten quieter. They all sat down and ordered. They were still talking a little, about trivial things, but also about the ceremony, and Hinata too. Kageyama stayed silent and listened to what they had to say. 

Once the food arrived, they ate in a down spirited silence. The only thing that could be heard were the timid sounds of the dishes and utensils.

“Kageyama. How did it happen?“

Kageyama looked up and saw Tsukishima looking at him with serious eyes. For a second, everyone stopped eating and there was a complete silence. 

Kageyama frowned and looked down at his intertwined fingers.

“I'm sure you all know the story.“ he said in a timid voice.

“Is it true that he ran into the street because of something you said?“

Kageyama's head was still down, looking at his fingers, but he could feel Tsukishima's intense glare.

“Tsukki!“ Yamaguchi exclaimed as he slapped Tsukishima on his shoulder.

Everyone remained silent for the next couple of moments, but to Kageyama, it seemed like an eternity. He could feel the air get heavier around him.

“Yes,“ he said, “it's true.“ He relaxed his face as his irritated frown became a sad one.

“We were going home the day when he couldn't receive my tosses. He was angry and I told him that we wouldn't make it big if he didn't take things more seriously. He ran into the street and there wasn't enough time for me to save him. The last word he said to me was... Forever. I'm probably overanalyzing, but the day before, he promised to be by my side forever. I don't know.“

Kageyama lifted his head and looked at the gloomy faces of his teammates. He made his hand into a fist and put it on the table. 

“But I'm not going to remember him for his death. I'm going to remember him for his life. I'm going to remember him for what he meant to me. To all of us. For every time he teased me, for every time he smiled, for every time he was jumping around with endless enthusiasm. I'm going to remember him as a player, a teammate, a friend, a partner. A bright ray of sunshine among a flock of black crows.“

Daichi raised his glass.

“To Hinata.“

The rest did the same.

“To Hinata.“


	9. Remembering

Four months have passed since the accident. That’s what Kageyama named it. “The accident.“ He has managed to function normally again. At least to a degree. Kageyama didn't really have a feel of what's normal or not, since what used to be normal doesn't exist anymore. 

It was the hardest for him to get used to life without Hinata. He used to be such a constant in Kageyama's life, that Kageyama didn't know how to act at first. Over time, he has learned to try to lead a proper life, but he was only pretending to know what he was doing. He was actually just trying to remember and replicate the life he had before he met Hinata. During the day, he would try to seem as normal as possible. Whenever he would feel uneasy, he would hold the dark blue volleyball keychain and it would make him calm down. During the night, when he was alone in his bed, he would take that maks off and let out whatever emotions he had.

He was doing better with time, but there were still days that were rough. This was one of these days. He started his morning without remembering Hinata was dead. He hated when this would happen. Usually, it was no longer than a few seconds before he remembered. He would wake up, remember that he's supposed to be sad, think about the reason, remember soon after, be upset for a minute, reclaim himself and then go on about his day. This time, it was a few minutes. The longer he wouldn't remember, the worse it would be when he remembered. 

He was brushing his teeth in the moment of realization. It was a slow train of thoughts that made him remember Hinata. His toothbrush fell out of his hand and he almost collapsed himself, but his arms leaned on the sink stopping the fall. He stared blankly as his eyes watered. He gasped for air. His minty breath burned his eyes and he fell on the ground, crying and rubbing his eyes. 

“Why must this happen?“ he cried quietly.

When he managed to calm down, he got up to wash his face. His eyes were red and swollen and his right hand was bleeding from clenching his fist too hard. He sighed at the sight of him and got ready for school. 

It was a normal day at school. People seemed to have already forgotten about Hinata, they were all laughing and talking, leading normal lives. For some reason, this was a bit annoying to Kageyama, but there was nothing he could do. It wasn't like he wanted them to be as sad as him, but he didn't want to see them act as if nothing had happened.

On the way home from school, he saw a kid with orange hair wearing a shirt with the number 10 on it. He laughed out loud at how ridiculous it was. 

“Wow,“ he said to himself, “God is really toying with me today.“

Even though he laughed, it was a trigger to start thinking about Hinata. He had casual thoughts about him, such as remembering something funny that happened to him, but those thoughts eventually spiraled off into those dark, big thoughts. 

“He is gone. He isn't coming back. I killed him.“

As thoughts like those began ringing in Kageyama's head, he stopped in the middle of the street. He gripped the dark blue volleyball keychain in his pocket, but it didn't help. He clenched his teeth, felt the familiar lump in his throat and tears began flowing down his face.

As he stood like that in the middle of the street, closed eyes, red face, clenched fists, he knew that he was in public and that there were people around him, but he simply couldn't do anything. He prayed that someone would stop and help him, snapping him out of this ugly state he found himself to be in. It seemed like hours to him before a girl stopped and asked him if he was okay. He snapped out of it, thanked her, and went home.

As much as he hated to admit it to himself, everything that happened that day exhausted him. He just lied in his bed for the rest of the day, staring at the ceiling, lacking the energy to do anything else. 

“This is my cheat day“ he thought.

He eventually fell asleep.


	10. Golden Brown

Kageyama was standing in a quiet park. Everything around him felt so warm and calm. The air was nice and the sun was setting. Everything was just so peaceful. 

Kageyama spotted a boy with orange hair sitting on a bench facing away from the park and looking at the sunset. 

“Hinata!“

He ran toward him. Kageyama surprised himself at how excited, yet calm he was.

He came to the side of the bench and looked at the boy. He was wearing winter clothes and a big black scarf was hanging from his neck. He was facing forward, looking at the sunset.

“Hi, Hinata!“

The boy turned his head and smiled.

“Hi, Kageyama.“

Kageyama sat down next to him. He felt a little confused because Hinata was wearing winter clothes in such nice weather and more surprisingly, he was acting very calmly. He expected him to jump up and yell, talk about volleyball and school, laugh, tease him, but instead he just sat peacefully, watching the sunset. 

Kageyama wanted to say something, but Hinata seemed so tranquil and restful that it felt like there wasn't any need to speak up. Kageyama just relaxed, breathed and watched the pretty colors filling the sky. In the golden brown panorama, he felt no need to fight, no need to frown. He was just silently enjoying this nice moment with Hinata.

“Do you know that I love you, Kageyama?“

Hinata was still peacefully looking ahead. Kageyama was a bit taken aback by Hinata's statement, but in that seemed to Kageyama like Hinata knew everything. He was calmly smiling, still looking at the sunset. Kageyama found this to be reassuring. 

He opened his mouth to say the words back to Hinata, but he hesitated. He was scared of embarrassing himself. He didn't openly want to say the way he felt.

Hinata glanced at him and chuckled.

“It's okay. I know.“

Kageyama found comfort in the whole being of Hinata. He wondered what's gotten into him.

“But there's no need to be embarrassed, Kageyama. What we have is different than romantic love. It's better. We're partners.“

Kageyama looked at Hinata. His face was white and small, calmly smiling. So soothing. His smile was the most beautiful thing ever.

“In that case,“ Kageyama finally found the courage, “I love you, too, partner.“

Hinata looked at him and smiled even wider. But his eyebrows suddenly formed a sad frown. 

“But Kageyama...“ he said in a comforting voice, “It's not your fault.“

Everything around them changed for the worse. It all suddenly felt spiky and anxious. The air became heavy and the colors were frightening. The nice, soothing sound was replaced with a silent, but strong high-pitched screeching noise. Everything changed, but Hinata was still smiling.

“Hi... nata?“

Kageyama became confused and scared. He didn't know what was going on and he reached out to Hinata. 

He then realized that Hinata wasn't there. He looked around with panic in his eyes. He then saw Hinata far away, but close enough to see him. He was still smiling and had a comforting look in his eyes, but his body was blurry, face bruised and lips bleeding. Kageyama tilted his head as he couldn't understand what he was looking at.

Then it dawned on him.

Hinata is gone.

He stopped breathing as everything around him became even more upsetting.

“Hinata!!!“

He started running toward him, but something was really weird. It wasn't that he couldn't move, it was that he couldn't reach Hinata. He gave it all his might to come to Hinata, who was standing in front of him with a peaceful smile, but he just couldn't reach him.

“Hinata! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!“

“Remember that I told you...“

“No! Please! Hinata!“

“That I'd be by your side forever?“

“I'm sorry! Hinata, I'm so sorry! Please come back!“

“I didn't lie to you.“

“Hinata... Hinata! No! Please...“

“It's just that...“

“Please... I'm sorry... Hinata...“

“Forever isn't here yet.“

Hinata's figure began to fade. There was even more comfort in his eyes and smile.

“Kageyama...“

“No! Don't go!“

“I'm waiting for you...“

“I'm sorry! Hinata, don't go!“

“On the other side.“

“Hinata!!!“

Just before he completely faded away, a tear escaped Hinata's eye and he looked at Kageyama.

“Hurry.“

Kageyama woke up covered in cold sweat, trembling. He gasped for air and cried uncontrollably. He wanted to yell, but he couldn't even do that. Even if he could, he didn't want to wake up his sister. He cramped himself into the smallest amount of space he could take, clenched the dark blue volleyball keychain in his hands, slightly rocked his head back and forth and cried until morning came.

That was the first night he had a dream about Hinata. That was also the night he began hearing beeping noises and voices talking around him.


End file.
